whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
