I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
