Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
