Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
