How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
