We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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