The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
