i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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