wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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