why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
