so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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