i jhust puked up my retainher.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
