problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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