dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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