I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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