Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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