If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
