She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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