i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
