just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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