i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
