Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I puked a lego.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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