would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
