Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
