I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
