Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
