three words: i give head
three words: not that well
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
