you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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