four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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