so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think your dad took our porno
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
that is very illegal...i love you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
