so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
