all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
