Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize