I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
