How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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