I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
