Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize