it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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