why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
