Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
