The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
