I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
