im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
