Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
