do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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