You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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