from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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