For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
