playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize