Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
