Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
