ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
