he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
