I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
