Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize