Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
