just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
