In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
