Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
