she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
