just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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