wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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