Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
