Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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