I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
