So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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