i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
