There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Still dying that you shit outside
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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